By Rduursma
When I found out I was pregnant, I was expecting to fill my house with fisher-price toys, baby diapers and formula. I quickly realized that balancing work, home, baby, household chores, and still feel in the mood was going to put forth a challenge. It's true however, and proven that men can go through a little jealousy when a new baby enters into your household, and can often times feel pushed aside. It has also been said that men can experience postpartum depression, proving it's not strictly hormonal, which can cause feelings of insecurity, loneliness and sadness
It
started when my husband was never wanting to be around us, not that
he didn't want to, just didn't know how to care for our son. He
felt uncomfortable, and I think a little inadequate. He had never
cared for a newborn before, and was lost when he would cry at what
to do. When I would ask my husband to watch him while I took a quick
shower, or ran to the store, he would look at my with a blank face,
as if he was petrified. I began taking showers and baths with my
son, and taking him to the stores with me.
I quickly realized that I couldn't expect too much from him, as
far as help, and welcome this as an opportunity to bond closer with
my child. I tried to include my husband as much as possible in daily
activities such as play time, baths and feedings, to ease his anxiety
of becoming a father. He did slowly realize that he did know what
he was doing, and with time felt a little more at ease and comfortable
with our son. When our son was around six months old, he started
to interact with him more, as I knew he would, because our son was
becoming a little kid, verses a newborn baby.
 My husband later shared with me what he was feeling, when my son
was a newborn. That his chest would tighten, he would feel as though
he couldn't breath and his heart was going to jump out of his chest.
We determined that he was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks,
he was afraid to care for a newborn. The thought of our son being
so small, and caring for him at this age, would scare him into a
panic.
Postpartum depression in men is actually quite common, but men are
normally taught to "toughen up", and they don't express
how they are feeling. Thus, being the reason why my husband didn't
share the way he was feeling with me prior to now. Often times,
men feel as though they need to be the strong ones for their wife
and new baby. To be the support system for the exhausted mother.
While we, the mother's, often times forget that they need our attention
too.
Men can feel neglected, not as important, pushed aside, and as though
their needs aren't being met when a new baby enters the home. Not
that it's always intentional, which usually it isn't, but mother's
are overwhelmed, tired, and maybe struggling with some depression
of her own. This leaving little to no room to feel in the mood,
or turned on.
Making
time for your husband is important, and crucial to a successful
relationship and marriage. Your husband needs you just as bad as
you need him. Trying to find a balance can be difficult between,
work, home, baby and household chores. With that being said, however,
finding and managing your time is going to ensure both you, and
your husband, are both happy and satisfied. Let's face it, mother's
need some adult time, too.
I, being a full time working mom, struggle with this and my husband
recently has brought it to my attention. Aside from late night feedings,
diaper changes, and working a full time job, I needed to find ways
to bring the spark back into our marriage. My husband's needs weren't
being met, and I needed to put forth a little more effort to ensure
he, and I, are both happy.
Ways to create more alone time, and enhance your time together:
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Leave work early,
and spend a few hours together before picking the kids up at daycare.
When you feel comfortable, move your infant into his own bedroom
(We are just doing this at seven months). Take time for yourself. Take a hot bath,
and relax. This will not only help you unwind, but it will allow
you to feel sexy. (Let's face it, new mom's usually smell like formula,
or spit up!) Buy yourself some sexy lingerie to wear for your husband. Buy some videos, or toys to spice up your love life. Ask a family member to watch your child, or hire a babysitter. |
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Article written by rduursma.
All opinions expressed are that of the writer.
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