By Rita Fae Harris
As a mother of five, I have suffered toddler tantrums
in every environment-at home, in the car, in the store, at my in-laws
house, and at church. I have made mistakes as a parent, and learned
new parenting tricks. Here are some tips I have learned throughout
my tantrum tenure—there should be parenting medals for these
years!
Nearly all children 'throw a fit' to
show that they are in control, and to get their way. Temper tantrums,
or 'fit throwing' are normal ways for your child to
exhibit their willpower. The first thing a parent must know is that
this is natural. Toddlers are learning how to navigate through society
and family. They are trying to learn how to maneuver with their
newfound skills-and are frustrated when they can not finish a task.
Even more frustrating is the limited language capability, a toddler
can speak in short, direct sentences. They have not quite grasped
how to voice their emotions and control their reactions. It is not
easy being a toddler.
If
at any time you feel your toddler is physically hurting themselves
or others, please contact your doctor. If you feel that you are
unable to control yourself-this is very, very common-please contact
your doctor. Do not be ashamed if your toddler pushes you to the
breaking point. I have called my children's doctor in tears,
in the middle of the night, and early in the morning. There is nothing
wrong with this. You will be a better parent for getting help than
for suffering with frustration silently.
Preventing Tantrums
Temper tantrums are extensions of the child’s emotions. This
is the toddler trying to enact a response from a parent for attention.
Ensure that the child’s fit is not because of a lack of attention
by noticing their good behavior-a trick in classical conditioning-and
rewarding them.
A toddler wants the same thing adults want. They
want to be in control of their life. The problem is that a toddler
can not be in control of a lot of the daily activities-the cooking,
cleaning, laundry, shopping. These are activities that the toddler
sees the parents doing and wants to imitate. Give your toddler control
within pre-set boundaries.
Small choices, like choosing between an apple or
orange, can go along way in certifying that the toddler is an important
decision maker in the family. Don't give the toddler yes or
no questions, such as "Do you want to take a bath?"
The answer will be the opposite of whatever the child is supposed
to be doing.
Instead, use closed questions-"Do you want
to have the toy truck or the rubber ducky in your bath?" This
way, the toddler has options within the boundaries parents set for
them. To this point, the greatest advice is to choose your battles
wisely. Toddlers will sometimes be very affirmative about what they
do NOT want to do. In truth, it is all right to 'give in'
to the little things. I promise that if junior misses a bath once
a week to watch a cartoon he loves, it will not permanently damage
his psyche.
During the Tantrum
Grocery store tantrums are probably the worst. Everyone stares at
you because you little girl, who is usually sweet and adorable,
is now throwing herself on the ground and screaming at a decibel
likely to shatter every glass in the store.
I know exactly what you are thinking. "I must
be a terrible parent if my child acts like this!" Purge that
thought from your mind because every child throws a tantrum at least
once a lifetime. Your child just chose a public place to do it in.
I have found that the best reaction is no reaction. I have learned
through trial and error that simply picking my flailing, screaming
angel from the ground and gently sitting her in the seat is the
best way to deal with the tantrum. Spanking will not end the tantrum,
and yelling will not end tantrum-these will often instill the wrong
message to the child and simply make the problem worse. Yes it is
embarrassing, but keeping a cool head and exhibiting self control
will go a lot farther than loosing your temper.
 Remember that a tantrum is a battle of wills. Finish
your shopping without letting the toddler know how frustrated you
are. Talk to the toddler about their behavior. "You are being
very loud right now, I can not understand you," and "If
you talk to mommy/daddy nicely, I will be able to understand what
you are saying." Keep your voice calm, firm, and unthreatening.
This willexemplify that you are in control of the situation. The
toddler will have trouble calming down in many cases. Let the little
one know that you are there for them by using "I will"
statements-and holding to them. "I will help you calm down."
"I will talk to you when you calm down." Do not give
into the toddler's demands, but be ready to have a conversation
about their demands-and their tantrum.
Most of all, be ready to give your toddler a hug.
A tantrum is an extension of the toddler's emotional frustration
stemming from an inability to communicate. The worse the tantrum,
the more frustrated and upset the toddler is. It is important that
once the toddler is calmed down, he or she knows that mommy and
daddy are there for them, no matter what. Thankfully, as the toddler
approaches school age the tantrums will simply fade away. This is
because they have gained the ability to communicate with others
better as well as the ability to interact and understand their emotions.
So don't worry too much, tantrums only last a year or two.
Article written by Rita Fae Harris.
All opinions expressed are that of the writer.
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